"At the River Piedra, I sat Dowm and Wept"

I felt the need to title this blog after a Paulo Coelho book I have been reading. Wow. Enough said so far... The River Piedra is one that whenever you throw anything into it (a rock, dead insects, ect) It becomes apart of the rocks that form the walls of the river... all things are necessary and all things work together. Its the principle of favorality. Whatever has been thrwon into you good are bad is what makes us. The key is the radical acts of love...you see that is what softens us.

As I gave a good friend the website for this blog. I have a ritual that every time I give out my blogger address I must go back through and look at all my posts to see if there is anything in their would alert the men in the white coats. lol. Naw but as I looked over these posts I realized that I was filled with confusion about my spiritual journey and had a fusion of many emotions. And I realize that it was all thrown my way as I enetered this year and it all makes up who I am, my own River Piedra.

I had to retract...I had to walk backwards in time to the point where I was confused the first time about God so that God teach me somethings about HIm and about myself. Human religious institutions were attempting to cement my mind with rituals, do's and don'ts. God wanted to show me that He resides in the child like innocence of my past. When I could be awed. I was trying to make Him too difficult...

I had to retract. And I too sat down at the River Piedra and I wept...because I was trying to clapse my mind around many concepts that maybe in this life I would never understand. I was trying to over analyze why I was single. I missed "Godly moments", when he was trying to show th beauty of a night filled with stars are the beauty of child with his mom in the coffee shop learning his first words.

I had to retract. To the first moment I knew that God was real. I knew He was real when He filled me with his consuming Love. One thing I know about God is that He is consuming...All consuming. And we are not truly free until we have tasted that all consuming love of God through Christ Jesus. At that moment we are free because since we have tasted that love that NEVER lets us down, we can be vunrable to others. Not haphazardly vunrable, but containing the childlike innocence that we once possessed. Like the time we couldn't sleep on Christmas eve because we believed Santa Claus was Coming that night. I remember when I lost a tooth and I placed it under my pillow and imagined the tooth faity coming in to give me a dollar. What would she look like? Was she small?

I had to retract to knowing nothing and grabbing hold to the simple ability to believe in something I had never seen. I had to allow myself to be weak to be open to show that I do have a need to be lead. But I cannot look to others for Jesus. Others help us to stay accountable. And it is true A pastor helps us and teaches us about the Word of God and assists us. But the search for God to soften our hearts and take us back to the time we first believed is truly a personal journey. Now sometimes the arms of God and legs of God may be manifested in a person or an angel some guide from far away but if we do not get back to the time we first believed... we will miss HIM. And continue to dwell in the midst of our confusion which would soon transform into bitterness, hardened hearts, anger....fear.

You see my friends, I had to retract. And when God brought me back to the place. I saw my reflection of what I had become in the River Piedra and I sat down and I wept....